Bees in My Bonnet: Before the Holiday

Bee in the Lavender

Enjoy another great installment of “Bees in my Bonnet” and for those of you in the US have a great Thanksgiving! 

A dad examines the message that telling jokes about buying a shotgun when his daughter starts dating send.

One thing I’ve learned is that one person’s illogical belief is another person’s survival skill. And nothing is more logical than trying to survive.”  It is so easy to judge others, criticize what have not experienced and do not understand.

Over at Defeating the Dragons the author is doing a series called “learning the words.”  One of her posts is about consent and how she, and others in fundamental, or overly conservative cultures, can take back the word. 

Another Defeating the Dragons post about what Twilight and the movie Fireproof have in common and how they contribute to, and possibly even encourage abuse.

The myths about domestic violence, abuse, rape, and other forms of gender-based violence are becoming increasingly visible.  What isn’t being discussed as much is how supposedly safe and progressive spaces can also harbor abusive individuals and how to deal with that.

A woman struggles with purity culture, feminism, and the concept of virginity.

The anti-domestic violence movement is still fairly new, relatively speaking.  And it is mainly focused on hetero couples.  This does a great disservice to the experiences of those in same-sex relationships that are abusive.  Domestic violence does not discriminate based on sex, gender, race, economic status, or education.  This article does a great job of addressing the silent epidemic of abuse in same-sex relationships.

The Male Privilege Checklist, compiled by Barry Deutsch, is an adaptation of Peggy McIntosh’s The Invisible Knapsack written about white privilege.  Both challenge privileged groups (men and white people respectively) to not only open their eyes to the privileges they enjoy but to acknowledge them.  For example, I as a white woman can go to the store and by a flesh-colored band-aid knowing that it is my flesh color, but my driving ability may be questioned because of my gender.

An awesome post about some amazing men who are standing against misogyny and sexism.

“Being an ally isn’t a title you claim. It’s not who you are – it’s what you do…”  Another great post about male privilege in relation to feminism.

For (cringe worthy) fun 25 super inappropriate ads that somehow made is past marketing into our magazines.

“This short doc [It Gets Messy in Here] challenges gender assumptions and gender identities of all kinds by delving into the bathroom experiences of masculine identified queer women and transgendered men of color…”

via YouTube


Bees in My Bonnet: From the Archives

Bee in the Lavender

October is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Last year my posts during October focused more on breast cancer so here’s a look at some posts from the archives.

Your Man Reminder” is an app and a campaign done by Rethink Breast Cancer.  I find the campain, and the video (hello, shirtless men) highly refreshing compared to some of the other stuff that show up around this time of year.

Breast Cancer is Not a Pink Ribbon takes a look at the work of photographer David Jay.  He also is working to put a new face to awareness campaigns around breast cancer; a raw and powerful one called “The SCAR Project.”

Last year my mother shared her story and our family history of breast cancer in a guest post.

I also watched and reviewed the documentary “Pink Ribbons, Inc.” in a two part series I called, “The Darker Side of Pink.”  Part onePart two.

Read about a woman who made the choice to undergo a double mastectomy and how it affected her life and her self image.

Some of the songs that helped me out when I needed it.

Last year’s “Bees in My Bonnet” wrapping up Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Breast Cancer Ribbon

Bees in My Bonnet: Time to Speak Out

Bee in the Lavender

Welcome to Bees in My Bonnet.  If this is your first time reading one of these posts check out some previous ones from the archives here, here, here, and here.

1.  “…when it comes to domestic violence, the silence can be deafening.”  This is so true it hurts.  Abusers benefits not only from the silence of their victims but the silence of everyone else as well.

2.  In case you haven’t heard yet Angelina Jolie chose to reduce her chances of developing breast cancer from around 80% to less than 5% by undergoing a preventative double mastectomy.  I will have more to say about this in another post but for now please read her article, My Medical Choice.

3.  Vows of Silence Aren’t Always Holy.  Naked Pastor writes an article to go with his cartoon “Don’t Tell” explaining that sadly there is a lot of groundwork that has been laid to keep victims of abuse in the church silent.

4.  I love slam poetry.  Check out this poem called “Dear Straight People: We Have to Talk” by Denice Frohman, a world poetry slam champion.  Also “i know girls (body love)” by Mary Lambert, another amazing slam poet.  Mary Lambert’s voice is featured in the song Same Love by Macklemore.

5.  Read a wonderful fictional piece inspired by Seattle pastor Mark Driscoll and his latest sermon series.

What are your thoughts on the below cartoon?


Found at Funny Times.


Bees in My Bonnet: Identifying Privilege

A seminary student questions the phrase “Let’s agree to disagree” especially in relation to the issues around same-sex relationships.   “…there are times when justice requires us to stop “agreeing to disagree”. Inaction and complacency can in themselves become forms of violence.”

An eye-opening article on how the ability to vocally identify as a feminist is a privilege.  “The fact that I don’t feel safe saying the F-word doesn’t make me a C-word. Coward, that is.”

Coy Mathis, a six-year-old in Colorado, was told that she could no longer use the girls restroom at school because she was born a male.  According to the parents this decision was made out of the blue after a previously positive response from the school, faculty, and other students.  The school states the decision was made due to the fact that in the future it will cause others to be uncomfortable.  Rosie over at “Make Me a Sammich” has also written an excellent response.

A mom makes an important distinction between teaching children about free will and consent versus danger.  Not all dangers come in the form of a stranger on the street.  It important to teach children about good touch versus bad touch, and acknowledging when a situation or a person, even a person they know, is making them uncomfortable.

Dianna Anderson talks about the link between modesty and rape culture.  “The principle that caused my roommate to carry a spoon into museums and galleries is the same one that produced the sexist ridiculousness that was Seth MacFarlane’s “We Saw Your Boobs” song that opened the Academy Awards this week.  That principle? That nudity is only ever erotic.”

17 celebrity GIFs before and after being photoshoped.  No wonder we have body issues…

In case you haven’t seen it the following picture of two curvy mannequins is causing quite an uproar (mostly in a good way) online.

Curvy Mannequins?

Bees in My Bonnet: Blowing Up the Box

Bee in the Lavender

1.  The Writing on the Wall.  At one University a student decided to respond to the notes on the bathroom stalls.  She offers hope and kindness with her words.  I really love the idea of reaching out to hurting strangers in this way.

2.   A mom lets her son exercise his right to choose what he wears.  Why does it make people so uncomfortable to see a little boy in a dress or heels?

3.  Another great post on letting children be who they are.  “We need to stop forcing children-~-forcing people-~-into little boxes.  It’s about time we stopped caring what we call people and started caring about people instead.”

4.  A satirical approach to protecting men’s potential involvement in sexual assault.  We must protect the men!

5.  A woman from my previous University shares her story towards LGBTQ acceptance and the progress the school has been making recently.  Believe me when I say that it is quite a bit.

6.  “Emily Heist Moss is sick and tired of the men who harass her and make her feel unsafe in public spaces.”  So she writes a letter to the men who have harassed her.  She points out that while the man may think he are being clever or funny in that moment what he doesn’t realize is that he is the fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. man to harass the woman that day.  It gets old.  Quickly.

Bonus:  If you need a good laugh, or maybe just a pleasant smile, check out this comic.

What have you been reading?  Tell me in the comments!

Bees in my Bonnet: Return from the Holidays

Bee in the Lavender

Welcome back dear readers.  I hope you are doing well in the midst of this holiday season.  I was able to have a much-needed mini vacation from work and spend some time with my family.  I also saw Les Miserables which was amazing!  Highly recommend that you see it (unless you dislike Broadway musicals, then it won’t be your thing).  I haven’t been on my computer much in the last week so I haven’t been reading as much but here’s a couple of things I found interesting.  What have you been reading?

Patriarchy Survivor shares the testimony of a survivor who studied rape in college and asks survivors to stop blaming themselves and start focusing on healing.

Sexism in advertising: Harmless joke or powerful messages of misogyny?

A male survivor shares his story and his resulting feelings of guilt that he has a hard time trusting women.

An interesting article about modesty and self-hatred: “We need a better conversation because men should not be hating themselves every time a woman walks by.”

The 45 most powerful images of 2012 (according to buzzfeed).  See also the Big Picture parts I, II, and III (there is some overlap but it’s totally worth it).

Bees in My Bonnet: Objectification, Misunderstandings, and Serial Rapists Identified

Bee in the Lavender

Cameron Diaz tells the Sunday Times that every woman wants to be objectified, not only that, but it’s healthy.

The author of “The War on Men” backpedals, saying she was misunderstood, she wasn’t talking about men and women, but rather husbands and wives.  Like this makes it any better…

A man explains why he needs feminism too.  “I need to be a feminist, because in the event that I have a daughter, I want her, as I would want for a son, to grow up in an environment where she can play with whatever toys she prefers, study whatever degree she wants, be with whoever she loves, aspire to become whatever she desires – I want her to feel free to be who she is, without antiquated norms, traditions, customs, and gender roles getting in the way. This, I would want for any and all individuals regardless of sex or gender identification. This freedom is what can create richness and greatness in our societies.”

Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy has identified 21 serial rapists and is looking to keep going as she goes through backlogged rape kits.  Rock on Ms. Worthy!

“…for those judgmental ladies who hide behind the name of Feminism, you are putting feminists to shame. I’ll wear makeup and take burlesque classes if I want to.

And in case you are having a rough day join me in some (slightly guilty) laughter.

Awesome quote of the week!

“For I conclude that the enemy is not lipstick, but guilt itself; that we deserve lipstick, if we want it, AND free speech; we deserve to be sexual AND serious–or whatever we please; we are entitled to wear cowboy boots to our own revolution.”  ― Naomi Wolf

What have you been reading this week?

Bees in My Bonnet: Monday Night Mash-Up

Bee in the Lavender


In case you haven’t heard Timothy Kurek pretended to be gay for a year and then wrote a book about his experience.

A grad student at George Washington University has been studying how gay and bisexual men experience street harassment.

An Open Letter to New Mama Me.  A parent looks back through her journey as a mom and writes a letter to her younger self.

Apologizing: polite, annoying or … unnecessary?  Women apologize a lot and why they need to stop.

Why hearing, “but you have it so good” is incredibly unhelpful and devalues someones story.

Abortion, rape, fat shaming, and eating disorders, can we all just stop saying terrible things to each other and start listening to our own bodies?

Canbebitter celebrates her one year anniversary and recognizes that we still have a long way to go.

Somehow Republicans are still managing to hold up the Violence Against Women Act, even though when it first passed in ’94 support was near unanimous.

Patriarchy from the perspective of a black woman and why white feminists need to pay attention.

50 Actual Facts About Rape.

Jessica Valenti writes how to end rape illiteracy at The Nation.

A fantastic definition of Patriarchy.

Why telling your children not to talk to strangers is a bad idea.  A mom talks about other great ways to teach your children to stay safe.

The United Nations declares access to contraception a “Universal Human Right.”

Rachel Held Evans talks about the dangers of labeling behaviors as “Biblical,” and using the Bible as a weapon.

A school in Utah pulls a children’s book off of library shelves because it portrays the homosexual lifestyle as fun and normal.

This article went viral a while ago but if case you haven’t read it the author describes how she lost faith in the “Pro-Life” movement and how she discovered it wasn’t about being pro-life at all.

And just for fun, 10 things to make you happier in your home.

What have you been reading?

Bees in My Bonnet: Wrapping up Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Bee in the Lavender

As October ends and we wrap up the pink month that is breast cancer awareness here are some of the articles I’ve been reading.  In a couple of days I’ll post the second half of The Darker Side of Pink, with my thoughts on the whole thing and some stuff I learned.

I posted this picture on my Facebook page a couple days ago but I wanted to share it here as well in case you missed it.  It hit me pretty hard.  What are you thoughts?

Will Work for Chemo

I refuse to die this way.

When a breast cancer diagnosis doesn’t make you want to deck out in pink.  When is too much more than enough?

NPR’s Michel Martin “speaks with three women — both current and former breast cancer patients — about their challenges, hopes and advice.”

A really great critique of Breast Cancer Awareness Month on xojane by S. E. Smith.  She again writes for the guardian on the commodification of “awareness.”

A write calls for readers to “enjoy October for what it should be…leaves, hot cider, pumpkin patches and warm sweaters… not the massive consumerism mess it has become, thanks to the Kulture.”

A really hard article about finding support for your kids when you’re going through cancer (Warning,  you may need tissues.  I did.)

When you have a strong history of breast cancer in your family sometimes you have to make decisions preventatively.  It is incredibly difficult when you have to decide to get a mastectomy or not before you get cancer.

Author Judy Blume shares her story.

Using lechery for good?  Sex to sell awareness?  Good or not?  You be the judge.

A woman tells her story of knowing that she would need a mastectomy and how her response was to ask her husband not to touch her breasts.

Unfortunately this video is done by the same campaign group that did the amazing “Your Man Reminder App.”  I have to admit, I’m pretty disappointed.  Can’t win them all I guess….

…but, to make you feel better here is the latest app update.  Enjoy!

Bees in My Bonnet: Blogtastic!

Bee in the Lavender

In between study sessions I’ve been perusing the blogosphere, like any other skilled procrastinator, and have been finding a good deal of great distractions.  The list is getting long enough that it’s time for a “Bees in My Bonnet” lest I overwhelm you later.  So, please enable my procrastinating and enjoy these wonderful blog posts I’ve found over the past couple of weeks!

In honor of LGBT month a student points out that when people are taught to fear gays they are more likely to hate.

A blogger’s brother questions privilege.  “We’re not smarter. We’re not harder working. We’re not more virtuous.We’re luckier.”

Is a “lipstick feminist” the black sheep of the group and does being feminine make you a bad feminist?

When being Pro-Life really means being Anti-Sex…  Think about it.

Cleverly disguised fat shaming and why asking someone if they lost weight may do more damage than good.

How to look at feminism and privilege holistically.

When being “culturally sensitive” becomes victim blaming.

Read the ridiculous things politicians have to say about women’s bodies and rights.

A survivor learns about rape culture and victim blaming way in a way that makes my heart hurt.

A male passenger’s intentions are questioned when he sits next to an unattended child on an airplane.  Have a look at how “the man box” plays out.

Why the idea of “limited abortions” is a problematic one for survivors of rape and sexual assault.

“Melting away the fat won’t melt away all your problems. Being thin doesn’t meant you no longer have room for all the self-hatred you seem to carry around. It just means you’ll be unhappy and hungry — and who wants that?”  The truth is: I am a fatty. Hear me roar.

Since it has been two weeks, here are two amazing videos to top you off.

Eve Ensler’s short film, One Billion Rising.  Check out the website here.

My Country, My Choice

It’s a lot, I know.  Seriously though, click, click, click!  It’s so good!

And don’t forget to “Like” me on Facebook  Have a great week!